I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
