If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
