like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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