She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Randomize
