what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize