yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
