Christians are straight up FREAKS
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
they're like a gay fantastic four
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
