im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
