bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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