I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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