I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
