WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize