Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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