Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
