the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
