if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
