is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
