Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
