I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
