Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
