i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
