I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
