Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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