I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
as a side note pls kill me
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
