i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
