so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
