this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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