Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Where did you get a picture of my penis
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
