im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
