Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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