i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize