there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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