dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
