I like my sex mixed with concussions.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize