First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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