I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
