Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
