I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Randomize
