you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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