Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
