First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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