i just sent this text using only my big toe
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
