There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize