I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
