i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize