Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
