I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
The beer is more important than you right now.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You are a genius and a whore.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
