Don't make out with my wife yet
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
