You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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