if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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