I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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