i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
