Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
