i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Do you have feelings for this penis?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
