i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize