Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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