i just wanna soil my oats bro
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
