porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
