just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
