My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize