You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
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