Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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