hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
