Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
one might say we're banned from that church
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
