my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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