Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."

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(863): View more from Florida

I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.

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(510): View more from California

You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying

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(805): View more from California

My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.

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(831): View more from California

I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"

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(651): View more from Minnesota

He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.

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(252): View more from North Carolina

If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.

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(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants

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(513): View more from Ohio

I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.

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