then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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