yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Randomize
