I bet he comes in French.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
