woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
