It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize