I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
