Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I deserve this hangover.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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