i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
