Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize