no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
