I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
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