never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
