I hate all girls vehemently.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize