we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
