...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
he shaved USA in his pubs
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
