Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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