dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
