So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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