I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
if only i could text you this smell
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
