I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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