You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
My dick has a subreddit
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
