There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
PANTIES FOUND
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