So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
