He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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