honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I just want to make out with him forever
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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