i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
