You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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