Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
