remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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