I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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