What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
