so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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