I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
